Sometimes, your identity isn’t something you lose. It’s something the world tries to take from you — one assumption, one stare, one binless toilet at a time. If you live with a disability or manage incontinence, you’ve felt it. You’re still you, but suddenly the world sees someone else.

Someone smaller. Weaker. Less than.

We don’t accept that. And we know you don’t either.

This isn’t about “finding yourself.” This is about reclaiming who you already are — loudly, clearly, and on your own terms. You’re still you. And you deserve to live like it. Here are some ways you can reclaim that truth — in real life, with real support.

1. Remember: You Didn’t Go Anywhere

Your identity isn’t missing. It’s just waiting to be seen.
 

The spark, the humour, the drive — it’s all still there. Under the medical notes. Hidden behind the careful planning.

So reclaim something today. Big or small. Go out dancing. Tell someone what you need. Wear the outfit you thought was off-limits.

What can help:

• Create a “confidence list” — write down 5 things you thought you couldn’t do anymore, and try to reclaim one this month.
  It could be dancing at a party. Wearing that outfit. Travelling without panic-packing. These don’t have to be big or public — just yours. When you name what you miss, you give yourself a chance to get it back. Even reclaiming one thing can remind you: you’re still you — and you’re still capable of joy.
  
  
• Swap “I can’t” for “how can I?” — it changes the energy.
  “I can’t go out tonight” becomes “How can I go out and feel prepared?” It opens a door instead of closing one. It turns shame into strategy. And that shift — from avoidance to possibility — is where confidence starts to rebuild. It’s not about pushing through every barrier. It’s about finding your way through, on your terms.
  
  
  
• Journal your small wins — proof you’re more than the hard days.
  Write down the things that went right: the outing you didn’t overthink, the laugh you didn’t hold back, the night you slept through without worry. These moments matter. They remind you that progress isn’t loud — sometimes, it’s just steady, quiet proof that you’re living on your terms.
  
  
  

2. Build a Support Crew

You deserve people who don’t flinch when you mention leaks. Who don’t disappear when your body needs something. Who show up, not out of pity, but solidarity.

Maybe it’s a mate who carries a spare pad for you. Maybe it’s someone online who makes you laugh about something you’ve felt alone in for years. Maybe it’s just one person who says, "Hey, that sounds hard — I’m here."

What could help you:

• Follow online creators, writers, and communities that talk about incontinence or disability with honesty and humour.
• Try phrasing like: “Can I share something personal I’ve been dealing with?” to open the conversation on your terms.
• Know this: being open isn’t a burden — it’s an invitation. The right people will meet you there.

Let them in. And let go of the ones who can’t hold space for your truth.

3. Refuse to Hide

Leaks shouldn’t cancel plans. And managing your body isn’t something to whisper about.

Some people think leaks mean you’re not in control — or not capable. So it makes sense if you’ve ever shrunk yourself down, dodged a dinner invite, or chosen the “safe” outfit instead.

Refusing to hide doesn’t mean oversharing. It means giving yourself permission to show up, unapologetically. To go out without mapping every toilet. To wear the jeans. To laugh without holding back — even if a little leak happens.

Things that might help: 

• Choose outfits that make you feel confident and work well with protection.
  Darker colours can feel more secure. Layered tops help with comfort and subtle coverage. Flowy bottoms or looser cuts reduce worry about outlines or shifting. Find what works with your body, not against it.
  
  
• Practice longer outings in familiar, low-pressure places.
  Start with a short trip to your favourite café, a walk with a friend, or an errand close to home. These small wins build confidence — they’re not “tests,” they’re rehearsals for living fully.
  
  
• Reframe your mindset.
  Needing protection or support doesn’t make you fragile — it makes you prepared. It’s not about avoiding risk; it’s about giving yourself freedom without anxiety in the background.

Start small, if you need to. One plan. One moment. One outfit that says, "I’m not hiding today."

4. Call Out Inaccessibility

This part’s exhausting, but necessary. Because even when you’re managing your body just fine — the world often isn’t.

Bathrooms without bins. Airplanes that don’t carry aisle-width wheelchairs, making it impossible for some passengers to access the toilet during a flight. Doctors that don’t take your symptoms seriously. These aren’t your fault. But you still end up carrying the consequences.

If you’ve got the energy: name the issue. Ask for the bin. Write the review. Speak up in the appointment. If you don’t? That’s okay too. It’s not on you to fix everything.

What you can do:

• Use a standard email template for inaccessible venues.
  Having a pre-written message ready to go saves time and energy when you're tired, frustrated, or just done. It also means your voice stays clear, even when your patience is gone.
  
  
• Keep a note in your phone of accessible toilets and venues that get it right. Whether it’s your favourite café with a bin in every stall or a clinic that treats you with respect — build your own go-to list. It’s part safety net, part self-care.
  
  
• Connect with local advocacy groups.
  You don’t have to fight every battle alone. There are people and organisations who already have tools, contacts, and momentum — and who want to hear from you.

These aren’t just tasks — they’re ways to protect your energy, honour your needs, and help shape a world that actually works for all of us.

5. Use Products That Work For You

There’s nothing empowering about a leak in the middle of a meeting. Or pads so bulky they change the way you walk. If you’ve been relying on supermarket brands and still double-checking every chair you sit on, you already know: bad products can shrink your world.

It’s not just about staying dry — it’s about staying confident.
 

When searching for the right incontinence product: 

• Try products with absorbency details (not just vague labels like "super" or "overnight").
• Test what works at home before using it out in the world — build confidence in private.
• Carry a discreet backup kit: spare pants or pads, wipes, and a small disposal bag — just knowing it’s there can reduce stress.
• Set up auto-delivery so you're never stuck without supplies.
• The right products don’t add bulk. They remove hesitation. They let you dress how you want, move how you want, and focus on your day — not your leaks.
  
  

This Is Your Identity. No One Gets to Take It From You.

You don’t need to be fixed. You need to be seen, supported, and taken seriously.

Whether it’s through better products, more open conversations, or just not having to explain yourself for once — you deserve a life that works for you — so you can live as yourself, without apology.

Disclaimer:
This article is intended for informational and supportive purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always speak with a qualified healthcare provider about any health concerns, continence issues, or changes to your wellbeing. Every individual’s experience is unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another. The personal strategies and product suggestions shared here are meant to empower, not replace, professional guidance.